Not again

So the internal bat phone goes again tonight. She who must be obeyed adjourned to bed at 22:30. Ten minutes later and she's on the phone having had yet another big fit, damn near chewed her tongue off and head all over the place / not with it.

About three times a week on average this happens. Once a week or once a fortnight the fit is so bad she loses consciousness properly, stops breathing and goes grey. This lasts from 5 seconds to 30 seconds and possibly longer (I'm normally there, but getting a stopwatch out is not something that occurs to me at the time). I can't honestly traipse around after her 24/7 watching and waiting. But equally I can't stand this, the constant fear of the "big" one.

Talked to a good friend about this. He says staying is braver than running away. Running away won't solve this and may well make things worse for the "situation" but may stop my fear. Probably not. If I run away / pass the buck / recede into alcoholism, it may help me but is not exactly my forte. Staying as is feels like the simple option. I understand and have been through her problems every step of the way. This was not self inflicted, but some bizarre accidental illness. It is not going to go away.

The only issue is how long I can last. Sleeping is getting to be a problem, awake during the night and then too scared to achieve consciousness in a morning.

Add a dose of midlife crisis, a full quota of work, friends and usual stuff like that and I'm running on fumes. "It could be a lot worse" is consolation. I have a lot, but this is a huge gaping sore in my side that is not going to get better any time soon.

The booze probably doesn't help my mood, but work distracts me, online takes up some of my time and with luck that will be enough to stop me dwelling on my own unhappiness.

Forgive an old man these ramblings, but schooling did not prepare me for this.