Yes, I'm still here folks despite the long absence. Some of you are aware of the reasons why but I see no real point in detailing them here.
There were some interesting articles in a magazine I read this morning (I am currently in the Mark Arnold school of sleep patterns). I hope the original authors will not mind me quoting them...
Some guy called Colin McDowell, who I've never heard of as I'm just not up on modern fashion, says of Sunglasses "Romantics claim that the eyes are the mirror of the soul". OK so there was a whole lot more in the article, but that's quite a cool line and therefore if you believe he is right then I am a romantic.
Later in the mag is a huge (pun intended) article on how you have to be an American size 0 (British size 4). I read it in a mixture of awe and anger - how dare they give space to saying that being so thin is trendy? Not only is it glorifying being dangerously thin, but if every paper gets on the bandwagon then the trend becomes a success. Photos of the "ladies" just look like a series of pictures of little girls. Bring back the style given by real women with curves. They are the ones who can drink beer, eat real food and have fun.
I am going to make a suggestion - please follow it up, as I only have your letter to go on and I believe that you need an expert opinion. I have a strong feeling that you may be suffering from depression. I don't mean depression as feeling a bit low, but depression as an illness. It has definite symptoms, but most of us don't know them. We know the symptoms of physical illness and know when to take action, but we are almost completely ignorant about the symptoms of mental illnesses (not to mention ashamed, embarrassed or frightened by the very subject), so we tend to ignore them and hope they will go away. They won't. Untreated depression rarely gets better. It gets worse.
This is a subject close to my heart. Six years ago, I had a breakdown and was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. I had many symptoms in the year leading up to it, but out of sheer ignorance, I ignored them. I did not think I was the type of person to become depressed. I am strong. I cope well in most situations. In many ways, my life was good, so I did not think I had the right to feel the way I did. I was also good at putting on a front, as I didn't want to be a bore or a burden to the people around me, or drive them away. Sound familiar? As a result, the illness mutated from reactive depression (a reaction to life events) into serious depressive disorder, which it can do if not properly treated. I was extremely ill for nearly four years and hospitalised three times. It was more horrible than I can say, and I would not wish it on anyone.
That's why I'm urging you so strongly to take action. You describe many of the symptoms of depression vividly. One is a lack of pleasure in all the things that usually engage you. Another is a preoccupation with death or dying. This is not morbid self-indulgence, but a clinical symptom of depression. So are constant negative or fatalistic thoughts and a perpetual sense of disconnection. Other symptoms include changes in sleeping or eating patterns (waking very early or sleeping too long), suddenly losing weight or gaining a great deal.
Depression is like being trapped behind thick glass. It is as if you have lost a part of yourself or no longer even recognise who that self is.
The above text is from a lady called Sally Brampton and is clipped from a magazine that came with the Sunday Times. I just thought that was a particularly well written piece.
As the Gaffer says. "Carry On".
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